


i'd carve your name into my skin

by panlover



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), Halsey (Musician), Mali-Koa Hood - Fandom
Genre: F/F, girlxgirl relationships are too sexualized, i tried to go with fluff, i tried to go with good, i'll tag 5sos just bc, idk if that worked lol, so this is not sexy at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 15:40:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5933710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panlover/pseuds/panlover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Ashley tells Mali she loves her and Mali can't wrap her mind around it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'd carve your name into my skin

**Author's Note:**

> this is for you, hannah. i love youuuuuuuuuuuu. and i hope you love me too after this. lol k bye. enjoy the cute. i hope it's cute.
> 
> carly xx
> 
> p.s. this isn't edited and if it's shit well fUck me in the ass

They were walking hand in hand down the street when Ashley said it for the first time.

They were on their way to Mali's workplace, a small bakery that sold cookies for 25 cents. The chocolate chip ones were Ashley's favorite. And Ash always insisted on walking her, saying she needed the exercise when Mali-Koa tried to tell her she didn't have to. Mali always joked the exercise wouldn't do her any good if she kept buying the cookies in bulk. But Ash would tell her to shut up around a mouth full of cookies as she paid in quarters.

Mali stopped walking, frozen, surprised at how nonchalant Ashley was being. All of her life she was told love was this grand old thing. How true love's kiss would save her from the darkest of evils. How her prince would go through all sorts of trouble to finally be able to call her his. How love at first sight was real, and magical, and only happened to the special ones. How _she_ was one of the special ones. And now Ashley was treating it as if it was nothing.

"What?" Mali asked, staring at her girlfriend of--what was it? Five months?

Ashley stared back at her, smile never fading. "I love you."

"But you can't just say that. Not like this. Not right now," Mali rushed out, running her free hand through her hair.

Laughing, Ashley speed walked to the bakery's entrance, pulling Mali with her--closer. "Well, why not? I love you. I should be able to say it whenever I want. Should I have waited 'til we were surrounded by vanilla scented candles, eating sea food and sipping expensive wine? Should I have waited 'til after I finally get you in bed with me? Or maybe right before I propose to make it that much more special?"

Mali pouted. "Now that's just ridiculous. I didn't mean it like that. It's just--you're acting so careless about it. Like it doesn't matter. Like you loving me is _nothing_."

"Now  _that_ is ridiculous. Loving you is everything. I'll show you. Are you busy tonight?" Ashley spoke quickly, grabbing Mali's phone from her back pocket and unlocking it. She clicked onto the calendar app and scrolled through today. Mali spent about twenty minutes every day in bed before getting ready, making sure her schedule for the week was correct. Ashley always liked to look over it when they're together, loving how most of Mali's time was spent with her (besides work, of course). "You get out at eight. I'll pick you up at, like, nine, maybe earlier. Bring a flashlight and wear some flip flops."

"Thongs," Mali-Koa corrected.

Ashley just rolled her eyes, smiling even bigger. "You and your Australian-ness."

"That's not a word, but sounds good. We going to the beach or something?"

Ashley groaned, handing Mali her phone back. Mali locked it and put it back in the only pocket that fits her huge iPhone. "Stop being so smart and let me surprise you for once, will you?"

With that, Ashley left. Mali watched her as she practically skipped away. She turned around and opened the door, letting a customer in first before stepping in.

After closing the door, Mali was greeted by Samuel, a loud teenager who got the job only because his mother is friends with the boss. He was behind the counter, apron tied around his waist, and talking animatedly with another employee. Mali-Koa joined them, still confused as to what just happened outside. It was so random, she wasn't expecting it. She had no idea how she should have responded. With an "I love you"? Did she love Ashley? She didn't know.

But she did know that all day she had trouble focusing. Mali-Koa couldn't remember who ordered what, barely remembered what cost what, and was pretty sure she gave a complete stranger her brother's number to get rid of them when they started to hit on her. Usually she gave a fake number (she didn't hate Calum  _that_ much). It also didn't help that she was left to her own devices most of the day since they were low on staff. All of her co-workers were in the kitchen while she was up front taking care of the counter. But now she was alone; the only one closing up the bakery today.

Unfortunately, her mind was preoccupied with thoughts about Ash. Which it usually was but not like this. Now it was like it's all she could think about, all she could focus on. It would be nice if she only had to focus on Ashley all day, every day--but she had to work. Work was important. _So is Ashley._

"Fucking hell," she muttered, cleaning the counter in hopes it'd distract her from the fact Ashley fucking loved her. Like: she could deal with. Love? She wasn't so sure.

"Pardon?" Mali looked up. She didn't hear anyone come in but someone surely did. A short black boy stood in front of the counter, hands tucked into his pockets. His head was tilted slightly to the side. He was cute. But Ashley was cuter.

Mali-Koa smiled. "Sorry, just talking to myself. What can I get you?" 

The teenager glanced up at the menu. "Um. Can I get a small, black coffee and four chocolate chip cookies?"

Mali nodded, looking down at her watch. It was almost closing and she just sold the last of the cookies to a nice old lady who told her she had a cute nose. Okay, maybe she gave them to her for free after the compliment but no one had to know that. And no one would know because she already paid for them herself. But anyway, she'd have to throw in a whole batch of cookies for this kid. That'd most likely make her late for Ashley but she wouldn't mind. Especially if she brings the extra cookies home for her.

"Fresh out of cookies. Hope you don't mind the wait," Mali said while she walked toward the back, figuring she'd put them in the oven before she started his coffee.

He laughed. Speaking quite loudly so Mali would be able to hear him while in the back, he responded, "You kidding? I would wait a thousand years for your cookies."

Mali returned back to the front after the cookies were taken care of, making her way to the coffee machine. "My girlfriend is the same, she loves the shit out of them. I don't really get it. They're nothing special."

Her customer made a sound of disagreement. She glanced at him, laughing when she saw his face held a faux disgusted expression. "Excuse you. 'Nothing special' my ass. I swear this bakery has the cookies made by God himself or something."

"I'm no god and I can assure you none of my co-workers are, either." Mali chuckled, shaking her head as she put on a lid to the travel cup. "They're all closer to being the devil, actually."

The teenager smiled at her as she handed him his coffee. "Thank you."

She smiled back at him and quickly walked away to check on the cookies. She didn't return until she had four placed carefully in a bag for him. He was sitting at a table on his phone, sipping his coffee. She placed the bag on the counter and cleared her throat. He glanced up, putting his phone in his pocket. He pushed his chair in and made his way to the Maori girl. "How much do I owe you?"

"Three dollars and seventy five cents, please." 

He handed her a five with a quick "keep the change" and left the bakery.

Slowly, Mali put the money in the cash register and took out her tip. She closed it and headed to the back for the bag filled with her own cookies. Well, Ashley's cookies, really. She turned off the kitchen's lights after making sure all the ovens were turned off and nothing would catch on fire. She quickly cleaned the table the boy was sitting at and placed the chairs on top of it. She was thankful her co-worker, Hannah, cleaned most of the bakery before they left half an hour ago. That only left the floor and the counter for her, which she quickly finished up with. She knew how impatient Ashley could get when she was excited. 

She almost didn't want to admit it, but _fuck_ , was she excited, too. 

Nervous, but excited.

* * *

When she arrived home (a small, one levelled house she was quite proud she could afford), Ash was already waiting for her. Sitting on the cracked steps, under a flickering light, she looked out of place. A perfect somebody surrounded by broken somethings. Mali cleared her throat, "Hey."

Her head snapped up so quickly that Mali was scared she had hurt herself. Ash did, but she wouldn't let the other know. "Cookies?" 

Handing the paper bag over, she walked to the door and unlocked it before Ashley could complain about having no milk. She took off her shoes by the door and traded them for _thongs_. She was glad she recently painted her toenails. For once her feet looked semi-cute. While she was admiring said feet, Ash rushed past. She made a beeline for the refrigerator. 

"You have no milk," Ash shouted from the other room. Mali found herself behind her girlfriend shortly, peering over her shoulder. She, in fact, was out of milk. Oops. Ash turned around and leaned against the fridge door. Mali-Koa rushed to hold onto it, keeping it in place so Ashley wouldn't lose her balance. "After the beach we're going to get you some milk so I can eat the cookies correctly."

Mali shook her head lightly. Sometimes she couldn't believe the girl standing in front of her. "Let's get going to the beach then so I don't have to hear you complain about being hungry all night."

Pouting, Ash rested her head onto Mali's shoulder, wrapping her arms around her waist; Mali did the same. They stood like that for awhile before Mali-Koa realized her food would go bad if they left the door open any longer. The taller of the two pushed the other out of the way, closing the refrigerator. Without a word, Ashley set the bag on the kitchen table and grabbed Mali's hand, dragging her back outside. They shut the door behind them after Mali made sure it was locked and she had her key. The two women stared at each other in the darkness of the night before Ash abruptly separated herself from the other. She bent down and picked up something from where it was lying on the small porch. A guitar case.

"How did I not see that?" Mali questioned.

Ashley shrugged. "Beats me." She grabbed her girlfriend's hand again and they both walked quickly to the beach, which was just minutes away from Mali-Koa's house. It's too late when they realized they forgot a flashlight and a blanket to sit on but they didn't mind. Plus, Ash was in a hurry to show just how much Mali truly meant to her. They couldn't turn back; the moon was bright enough and sand could easily be rinsed off. 

The walk to the beach was silent. Ashley was too busy trying to remember everything she practiced. And Mali was too busy wrapping her mind around the thought that Ashley loved her, and that she might love her, too. The silence didn't last long. The waves were loud, rough. The couple could hear them before they even stepped foot onto the sand. 

"C'mon, I wanna sing something for you before we put our feet in the water," Ash said quietly. Mali rarely saw her like this, so uncertain of herself.

With a small laugh, Mali pulled Ash closer toward the water. "I don't know if that'll happen tonight. It's probably so fucking cold and I forgot to change into less important clothes."

"Just because you're not gonna doesn't mean I won't," Ashley spoke, laughing some. She stopped herself, clearing her throat. "Let's sit here."

The couple sat down far enough away from where the waves were crashing so they wouldn't get wet. Mali closed to her eyes, enjoying the slight breeze, as Ash opened her case and took out her acoustic guitar. She made sure it was tuned before she left for Mali-Koa's house, but she messed with it some as she waited for Mali to open her eyes again and turn to her. Hearing the guitar, Mali did just that.

Carefully, Ash positioned the guitar better in her lap. She looked up, smiling shakily. She didn't want to fuck up. Ashley might act confident all the time but she couldn't now. This song mattered too much for her to fuck up. Mali mattered too much. She could _not_ fuck up.

She took a deep breath and started strumming, gradually getting comfortable enough to sing: 

> I'd carve your name into my skin,
> 
> But I know you wouldn't want me to hurt.
> 
> And I don't care if this is temporary,
> 
> Because right now it feels like forever.

 Mali stared, shocked. She couldn't believe this was happening. Ashley actually wrote a song for her. And she was actually singing the song to her. She couldn't breathe.

> Your eyes are warmer than the sun.
> 
> Your arms are safer than the ones
> 
> That have come before you.
> 
> But I shouldn't compare you to them.
> 
> I should never.

Ash looked up from where she was focusing on her guitar strings. But she had to look away; Mali was crying. She didn't allow herself to tear up. Her performance had to be perfect. Because Mali deserved perfect.

> Sometimes the days get lonely
> 
> And sometimes the nights even more so.
> 
> But with you my heavy heart is lighter
> 
> And my bed feels more like home.
> 
> Or maybe that's just you.
> 
> It's probably just you.

Mali could barely see through her tears but she knew Ash looked beautiful under the moonlight with the ocean as her background. Ash always looked beautiful, but right now she looked it even more so. Fuck, Mali loved her. She loved her.

> The air is so cold.

> But sitting here with you, I am certain

> The shivers which take over my body

> Are from your words, your love, only.

Right when she sang this, both of them got goosebumps. Mali chuckled, rubbing her arms, while Ash just smirked down at her guitar. 

> Sometimes the days get lonely
> 
> And sometimes the nights even more so.
> 
> But with you my heavy heart is lighter
> 
> And my bed feels more like home.
> 
> Or maybe that's just you.
> 
> It's probably just you.

Mali wiped the tears away, sniffling. She had no idea what to do with herself so she just watched her girlfriend strum passionately. She watched as Ashley got even more confident, finally looking up and keeping eye contact. She smiled. And Mali returned it, smiling so hard it almost hurt.

> The world is so cruel.

> But sitting here with you, I am certain

> No one can even try to hurt us,

> Not even ignorant, bigoted, idiots.

Finally, Ashley took a deep breath and did a little guitar solo, having to look down at her fingers because she always messed it up. She didn't mess up, which made her mentally pat herself on the back. But the mental pat on the back made her miss her cue for the last verse. Mali didn't know that, though. Softly, she sang:

> You just have to trust me, love me.

> Do you?

It was quiet after that, Ash set the guitar back into the case beside her and held her breath. Mali did the same. Finally, Ashley turned around and opened her mouth to speak. "I know it's a little rough and not the best but--" 

Mali interrupted her, tugging her smaller frame into her side. She looked down, placing one of her hands on Ash's cheek and stared into her eyes in astonishment. She couldn't believe she was this lucky. She couldn't believe anything. 

She closed her eyes and kissed her. Ashley reacted right away, returning the kiss and trying not to smile into it but she couldn't stop herself. Ash was worried all day she'd fuck this up. After she left Mali at work, she practiced non-stop, annoying the shit out of her roommates. But being screamed at was worth it. It was so, so worth it. With smiles on both of their faces, they broke apart. And maybe their love wasn't the love from the fairytales but it was still something. In fact, it was _everything_...

They were sitting side by side in the sand when Mali said it for the first time.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry if you hated it plz forgive me it's 2 am and i have school tomorrow. i'll try to fix this up later. but rn goodnight, sweet dreams x


End file.
